PCK, a name that will forever be etched in my love life. You once asked me if I will still love you after 6 months and I say yes. I dare to say I will love your forever although you will never need to know about this. Today I am learning to let you go to protect myself from being hurt by you. I still love you a lot but it seems that loving someone is just not enough.
You are probably suffocated from the demand of time and attention from me. I was afraid of losing you that I hold on you too tight, the tighter I hold on the further you went away, so I am learning to let go. I had not love anyone so much from the instant the relationship begins. I could still recall the first time you grab hold of my hands and say that you will never let go and you did hold on to your promise even when you were driving, when we were having our meals, when we were walking, on escalator and even in the cinema. It was the most amazing and secured feeling in my whole life that nobody had ever provided to me. The language of love that you had showered me matches all the language of love I ever want to receive from my partner. That is the main reason I fall deeply in love with you right the first day we were together. The love making was also so compatible that no single words, vocabulary or statement could express it out. Only me and you will understand this. Everyday for next few days I woke up every morning pinching myself in front of the mirror, thinking that this might be a dream. A dream that I would eventually have to be wake up one day and part of me refuse to believe it was only a dream. Your language of love is all I ever wanted in my whole life and you fulfilled it. In reality, I know that this type of language can never last forever but at least I once received it and I really thank you for enabling me to live it although once in my life. I will cherish this love you had showered me. I guess when I m in love. All good things must come to an end. I was in hell when suddenly I was forced to wake up due to certain circumstances in your life. I tried to endured and allow myself to sink in misery and it is only my fault to be blamed. It caused me sleepless night and I lost so much weight that I hate seeing myself in the mirror. Those that had not seen me in a few months was shocked to see me. I know now how it felt to be really heartbroken and fall into misery. One basically had to swallow the food just for survival. Luckily, I could still chant to Gohonzon and go for my soka activities and that really helps to pull me up.
I tried to hate you to let you go but I could not. I believe you had sincerely loved me although it only lasted for weeks. It must have been a exhausting and draining few weeks for you. I will forever remember this love you gave me. I do not blame you but thank you for loving me so much in those few weeks.
I am appreciative of the support, care, concern and prayers send to me by all my SSA comrade who had been there silently when I refuse to share, talk or acted not my usual self. I am most grateful to Sensei for always reminding me to find the one that cherish me the most , more than I cherish him.
You are probably suffocated from the demand of time and attention from me. I was afraid of losing you that I hold on you too tight, the tighter I hold on the further you went away, so I am learning to let go. I had not love anyone so much from the instant the relationship begins. I could still recall the first time you grab hold of my hands and say that you will never let go and you did hold on to your promise even when you were driving, when we were having our meals, when we were walking, on escalator and even in the cinema. It was the most amazing and secured feeling in my whole life that nobody had ever provided to me. The language of love that you had showered me matches all the language of love I ever want to receive from my partner. That is the main reason I fall deeply in love with you right the first day we were together. The love making was also so compatible that no single words, vocabulary or statement could express it out. Only me and you will understand this. Everyday for next few days I woke up every morning pinching myself in front of the mirror, thinking that this might be a dream. A dream that I would eventually have to be wake up one day and part of me refuse to believe it was only a dream. Your language of love is all I ever wanted in my whole life and you fulfilled it. In reality, I know that this type of language can never last forever but at least I once received it and I really thank you for enabling me to live it although once in my life. I will cherish this love you had showered me. I guess when I m in love. All good things must come to an end. I was in hell when suddenly I was forced to wake up due to certain circumstances in your life. I tried to endured and allow myself to sink in misery and it is only my fault to be blamed. It caused me sleepless night and I lost so much weight that I hate seeing myself in the mirror. Those that had not seen me in a few months was shocked to see me. I know now how it felt to be really heartbroken and fall into misery. One basically had to swallow the food just for survival. Luckily, I could still chant to Gohonzon and go for my soka activities and that really helps to pull me up.
I tried to hate you to let you go but I could not. I believe you had sincerely loved me although it only lasted for weeks. It must have been a exhausting and draining few weeks for you. I will forever remember this love you gave me. I do not blame you but thank you for loving me so much in those few weeks.
I am appreciative of the support, care, concern and prayers send to me by all my SSA comrade who had been there silently when I refuse to share, talk or acted not my usual self. I am most grateful to Sensei for always reminding me to find the one that cherish me the most , more than I cherish him.
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