This morning when I woke up, I kinda had a realisation that I had been too sellfish all along wanting things to go my way. I am not sure when this realisation came about. I am not even sure if I am suddenly giving up on him. I was planning to go to his Condominium today to check if he is really staying there and probably try to find his unit and send him food. When I woke up this morning, I realised that this is probably a crazy idea and I am beginning to sound like an obsessed lunatic. I need to stop this and love myself and live the life that he wanted me to live on. I just send him an encouragement to chant if it could make him feel better during the treatment.
I still love him but part of me is very much drained after a week of only me 1 sided wanting to walk along the journey with him and him constantly rejecting me daily. I refuse to get out of the bed and just wanted to go back to sleep and not think about anything for now. Life does not stop even though I choose to stop my life. The clock continues to tick and life continues...
I finally pull myself up, showered and got ready to leave the house. It was a great things that the girls invited me to afternoon tea so I am kinda forced to leave the house. I did feel much better when I was there and I did share with them the news. None of them expected this from me. The most they expected was that I am heartbroken and need time to heal. None of them expected to hear such incident to happen to the one I love. Although during the whole afternoon I was there, I did managed to eat till I could not eat anymore, stuff myself till my throat could not fill anymore, I did enjoy the afternoon with them. I guess it is good to be out doing something to take my mind off him. Part of me feels guilty as if I am enjoying the day and kinda forgot about him. I am not sure why I felt this way, does not mean I no longer love him or I don't love him that much as I claim I do...
I miss him a lot...every steps I did today during the pole dancing or the striptease steps, I imagines he was there watching. I have to dance well so he could enjoy my performance. Every move I made, I would imagined what he once done to every inch of my body. I yearn for him badly...
When the girls drop me off at Taka earlier, it reminded me of him too. That was the 1st time we laid our eyes on each other. The first time we met. The first time he offered to pick me up to attend the briefing at Tampines on behalf of the bride and groom. That was how we started to connect...it seems everywhere I go it reminded me we were once there, on the escalator, on the lift, on the area...
I had decided to listen to him and move on but I had requested that he do not shut me out totally, I want to be there even though my status and rights had been demoted to a friend only. I don't mind. I just want to be able to visit him and see him although its only once a week...I hope he will agree to it...I will move on for his sake...I know it is not easy for him too...I have to move on and live a better life for his sake...I will still love him and only I need to know...nobody needs to know anything...not even him...
I still love him but part of me is very much drained after a week of only me 1 sided wanting to walk along the journey with him and him constantly rejecting me daily. I refuse to get out of the bed and just wanted to go back to sleep and not think about anything for now. Life does not stop even though I choose to stop my life. The clock continues to tick and life continues...
I finally pull myself up, showered and got ready to leave the house. It was a great things that the girls invited me to afternoon tea so I am kinda forced to leave the house. I did feel much better when I was there and I did share with them the news. None of them expected this from me. The most they expected was that I am heartbroken and need time to heal. None of them expected to hear such incident to happen to the one I love. Although during the whole afternoon I was there, I did managed to eat till I could not eat anymore, stuff myself till my throat could not fill anymore, I did enjoy the afternoon with them. I guess it is good to be out doing something to take my mind off him. Part of me feels guilty as if I am enjoying the day and kinda forgot about him. I am not sure why I felt this way, does not mean I no longer love him or I don't love him that much as I claim I do...
I miss him a lot...every steps I did today during the pole dancing or the striptease steps, I imagines he was there watching. I have to dance well so he could enjoy my performance. Every move I made, I would imagined what he once done to every inch of my body. I yearn for him badly...
When the girls drop me off at Taka earlier, it reminded me of him too. That was the 1st time we laid our eyes on each other. The first time we met. The first time he offered to pick me up to attend the briefing at Tampines on behalf of the bride and groom. That was how we started to connect...it seems everywhere I go it reminded me we were once there, on the escalator, on the lift, on the area...
I had decided to listen to him and move on but I had requested that he do not shut me out totally, I want to be there even though my status and rights had been demoted to a friend only. I don't mind. I just want to be able to visit him and see him although its only once a week...I hope he will agree to it...I will move on for his sake...I know it is not easy for him too...I have to move on and live a better life for his sake...I will still love him and only I need to know...nobody needs to know anything...not even him...
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