This morning when I woke up, I imagined that he was there again beside me. I talked to him. Sharing with him that I wanted him to be strong and live happily. I thought I would be better after letting him go but it's not an easy process. Knowing that he saw or read my WhatsApp but never want to reply me made it worst than I could imagine . At least an answer or acknowledgement would be good. None came in at all.
I really felt that I wish I was the one that was dead right now . I know that this is the wrong thought that I have a mission to go on in my life for kosenrufu. I just can't help being helpless and just wish I was dead so I would not feel so miserable at this moment. A lot of really silly thoughts ran through my mind right now. It is making me very weak and just don't want to think or do anything. I can't coz I need to have a clear mind to go to work later.
E say it's OK coz the relationship is only so short. Does it matter how long the duration of the relationship lasted? It does not. It was short but it made feel like I was in my 20s n being loved. I really love him a lot beyond words could describe that I am just really lost right now. I really want to be better but today is just not the day for it to happen.
The crying game just started earlier in the hotel the crying while I chant, the crying while I shower and hug myself in a corner , the crying when I put on my clothes .... yes it's a process that one have to go through. E wanted to know where he work so she could go and give him a punch at his face. I am not sure if I want her to hurt him. I still want him but am I willing to be hurt again if he comes back again into my life ?
I really felt that I wish I was the one that was dead right now . I know that this is the wrong thought that I have a mission to go on in my life for kosenrufu. I just can't help being helpless and just wish I was dead so I would not feel so miserable at this moment. A lot of really silly thoughts ran through my mind right now. It is making me very weak and just don't want to think or do anything. I can't coz I need to have a clear mind to go to work later.
E say it's OK coz the relationship is only so short. Does it matter how long the duration of the relationship lasted? It does not. It was short but it made feel like I was in my 20s n being loved. I really love him a lot beyond words could describe that I am just really lost right now. I really want to be better but today is just not the day for it to happen.
The crying game just started earlier in the hotel the crying while I chant, the crying while I shower and hug myself in a corner , the crying when I put on my clothes .... yes it's a process that one have to go through. E wanted to know where he work so she could go and give him a punch at his face. I am not sure if I want her to hurt him. I still want him but am I willing to be hurt again if he comes back again into my life ?
No comments:
Post a Comment