As I am typing this lying on my couch , I suddenly felt helpless, not too sure if it's coz of the fever in the me at the moment or due to the fact I felt that it must have been 100 times worst for F. Fever is nothing compared to cancer. He must have beaten so badly that made him lost total hope in life. I must stay positive and hopeful on his behalf.
My body finally gave in after weeks of battle with emotional ups and down. I must not fall sick coz if I am sick I can't be with him. If I am not well, he will never let me be there for him. Still, at moments like this I long for him to be beside me now and hug me. Wake up selfish girl! It's not you its him you have to focus on . It's a life we are talking bout. I cancelled all my appointments today as I really need to rest and get well ASAP so I could be there when he needs me.
Angel arrive when one needs it. Lai Wah text me yesterday night asking bout me and F. I needed to share out to someone and I told her . She would understand coz she had gone through the sickness on her own 3 years back. She immediately asked to meet F to encourage him and want him to stay on fighting. Her situation is similar stage 4 but it's her breast. I really want F to meet her as a survivor to patient can be more encouraging than me. Would F be open to meet her ?
I felt so lonely tonight although F had finally replied to my WhatsApp. I am not sure the loneliness is due to me not well and wanting some comfort or part of me realising that he will not have the time and attention to give me at this moment or probably never. I will always be his secondary , thirdly and even bottom list of important things to do at this moment or as long as he is fighting the battle against cancer. I am being selfish again and thinking bout my emotions only. I really miss him a lot. I need to adjust getting used to him not able/feel like replying to me, not wanting to do anything except sorting his stuff, not able to love and care for me like he used to and many many more. It is an adjustment I need to get used to. I guess this is what he wants me to think about . As there are many things he won't be able to do it for me . I might get frustrated or even to the point or upset and there is nothing he can or even if he wants to he is able to at this moment, as long as he is battling this illness. I am not even sure now if I could go through it. The only thing in my mind is I really want to go through this with him coz I really truly love him a lot. It's only 2 months and 8 days being together but it only took me a day to fall in love with him.
I gave him a Valentine's day card I bought when I was 16 years old. It has been with me since then . I had kept it so long that the envelope had turned yellow. I had not found the right person to give it. He say to keep the card and give it to him when he is immobile in the future. I hope that I don't need to give him at all and he will win this battle.
My body finally gave in after weeks of battle with emotional ups and down. I must not fall sick coz if I am sick I can't be with him. If I am not well, he will never let me be there for him. Still, at moments like this I long for him to be beside me now and hug me. Wake up selfish girl! It's not you its him you have to focus on . It's a life we are talking bout. I cancelled all my appointments today as I really need to rest and get well ASAP so I could be there when he needs me.
Angel arrive when one needs it. Lai Wah text me yesterday night asking bout me and F. I needed to share out to someone and I told her . She would understand coz she had gone through the sickness on her own 3 years back. She immediately asked to meet F to encourage him and want him to stay on fighting. Her situation is similar stage 4 but it's her breast. I really want F to meet her as a survivor to patient can be more encouraging than me. Would F be open to meet her ?
I felt so lonely tonight although F had finally replied to my WhatsApp. I am not sure the loneliness is due to me not well and wanting some comfort or part of me realising that he will not have the time and attention to give me at this moment or probably never. I will always be his secondary , thirdly and even bottom list of important things to do at this moment or as long as he is fighting the battle against cancer. I am being selfish again and thinking bout my emotions only. I really miss him a lot. I need to adjust getting used to him not able/feel like replying to me, not wanting to do anything except sorting his stuff, not able to love and care for me like he used to and many many more. It is an adjustment I need to get used to. I guess this is what he wants me to think about . As there are many things he won't be able to do it for me . I might get frustrated or even to the point or upset and there is nothing he can or even if he wants to he is able to at this moment, as long as he is battling this illness. I am not even sure now if I could go through it. The only thing in my mind is I really want to go through this with him coz I really truly love him a lot. It's only 2 months and 8 days being together but it only took me a day to fall in love with him.
I gave him a Valentine's day card I bought when I was 16 years old. It has been with me since then . I had kept it so long that the envelope had turned yellow. I had not found the right person to give it. He say to keep the card and give it to him when he is immobile in the future. I hope that I don't need to give him at all and he will win this battle.
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