I am not sure if it's being magnanimous or I am being selfish. I decided to send him a message yesterday night. A message to let him know that I will love him, to be strong and live a fulfilling life and get better. I will be there if it's meant to be when the time arrive. I will just need to learnt to move on with my life. To get back to my normal routine , work, soka, friends, kosenrufu and my beloved family. It will take sometime and adjustment to get back but I believe I am ready to move on.
The weirdest thing that came out of all these struggle with my inner self is J just appeared in my life and started to share all that I had once wanted to know when we were together. Sometimes life really works in the most peculiar way. It had meant so much then when he refuses to share a single thing but now it seems like just another life story to me. At this moment, I do not love J but I had a sense of relief knowing that he gave me a closure. My heart still belongs to F. My whole body still belongs to him. I know I could find temporary comfort in J coz he offered but it will be unfair to him and cheating on F. I have to be true to myself.
The only comfort I am going for at this moment is my mum. She will be here to give me the strength I need to move on. She will be here to feed my soul and body and nurture me back to the old self. Just like when I was 4 years old when I was hospitalized. Looking forward to spent quality time and heart to heart talk with her. Something which I had not done for the longest time. I believe every incidents in my life happens for a reason. This is probably the only opportunity for me to share out my thoughts with my mum. Just like how S shared the other day that it is no coincidence that I met F. I had informed her twice on the possibilities that if I am not able to co-ordinate the soka ceremony, to please stand in on my behalf. If it really happened that I was called away out of Singapore, probably I would not have had the opportunities to have a 1 to 1 interaction with F, taken a Polaroid shot with him or even met him at all.
Fate, preordained course of life that happens because of one's action. I had taken up the request to assist in A's wedding, that leads to me meeting F, and so on.
Destiny, a predetermined event in one's life that one takes an active course on shaping. I has tried all I can to shape the course towards my direction but it seems the destiny is not meant for it to happen towards my side.
When one decides to move on the body and soul is healing on its own. I had started to feel hungry which is a good thing. I need to feed myself back to the old physical me. To have the strength and energy to start running again. I still want to complete my 2nd marathon this year and plan for my everest Base camp next year. I believe if I focus on my goal for the marathon and everest Base camp I will be able to heal faster.
The weirdest thing that came out of all these struggle with my inner self is J just appeared in my life and started to share all that I had once wanted to know when we were together. Sometimes life really works in the most peculiar way. It had meant so much then when he refuses to share a single thing but now it seems like just another life story to me. At this moment, I do not love J but I had a sense of relief knowing that he gave me a closure. My heart still belongs to F. My whole body still belongs to him. I know I could find temporary comfort in J coz he offered but it will be unfair to him and cheating on F. I have to be true to myself.
The only comfort I am going for at this moment is my mum. She will be here to give me the strength I need to move on. She will be here to feed my soul and body and nurture me back to the old self. Just like when I was 4 years old when I was hospitalized. Looking forward to spent quality time and heart to heart talk with her. Something which I had not done for the longest time. I believe every incidents in my life happens for a reason. This is probably the only opportunity for me to share out my thoughts with my mum. Just like how S shared the other day that it is no coincidence that I met F. I had informed her twice on the possibilities that if I am not able to co-ordinate the soka ceremony, to please stand in on my behalf. If it really happened that I was called away out of Singapore, probably I would not have had the opportunities to have a 1 to 1 interaction with F, taken a Polaroid shot with him or even met him at all.
Fate, preordained course of life that happens because of one's action. I had taken up the request to assist in A's wedding, that leads to me meeting F, and so on.
Destiny, a predetermined event in one's life that one takes an active course on shaping. I has tried all I can to shape the course towards my direction but it seems the destiny is not meant for it to happen towards my side.
When one decides to move on the body and soul is healing on its own. I had started to feel hungry which is a good thing. I need to feed myself back to the old physical me. To have the strength and energy to start running again. I still want to complete my 2nd marathon this year and plan for my everest Base camp next year. I believe if I focus on my goal for the marathon and everest Base camp I will be able to heal faster.
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