This life challenge I am going through now is probably one of my life most difficult period. The comfort is to know that he still read my message means he is OK. I am not sure if I am strong enough to face the news on Monday but the counting down to the hours till we meet is a real test for me at this moment.
My sister and family arrive today on Saturday, with a big bouquet of white lilies to cheer me up. It's really a very pretty bouquet and it smell great too. I did not do much today except chant and read sensei's guidance. I felt that I had been lazy today. It's like part of me want to give up altogether and shut myself out of life. Will I really be strong to fight alongside him or a burden to him instead ? It's a very confused feeling at the moment. I am not too sure myself if I can really pull it through without him allowing me and pushing me away.
I pray that he will live and he will survive the situation he is going through. Still in dark and not too sure what to expect out of all these until Monday. It's like countdown to the sentence on Monday. Will I survive the answer ? I must have faith that the outcome is the best arrangements that Gohonzon will provide to me.
Winnie text me and asked if I am still awake at 11pm. I tried to sleep and been tossing on the bed since 930pm. My mind is awake, so we decided to meet at mc cafe near my place. I walked around the neighbourhood while waiting for them to arrive. It felt so peaceful walking at night and feeling the breeze. I shared with them the whole story bout me and him. Him finally sharing he is sick and me not too sure what to expect on Monday. I even read about organ donation if I could do that for him if it involves liver, kidney and lobus lung. Even if our blood do not match, I can still do a cross donation whereby I find a suitable donor for him and I donate mine to the donor's recipient. The possibilities is vast . Winnie and Gek Lee wanted to prepare me mentally and questioned me many times if I am absolutely sure that he is sick and if it's real. I shared that even if i could turn back time, I would still want to meet him and be in love with him. It's like an ultimate love that I will never ever meet. They will fully support decision and shared that if it's cancer there are lots of successful cases of survival. I will know on Monday.
My sister and family arrive today on Saturday, with a big bouquet of white lilies to cheer me up. It's really a very pretty bouquet and it smell great too. I did not do much today except chant and read sensei's guidance. I felt that I had been lazy today. It's like part of me want to give up altogether and shut myself out of life. Will I really be strong to fight alongside him or a burden to him instead ? It's a very confused feeling at the moment. I am not too sure myself if I can really pull it through without him allowing me and pushing me away.
I pray that he will live and he will survive the situation he is going through. Still in dark and not too sure what to expect out of all these until Monday. It's like countdown to the sentence on Monday. Will I survive the answer ? I must have faith that the outcome is the best arrangements that Gohonzon will provide to me.
Winnie text me and asked if I am still awake at 11pm. I tried to sleep and been tossing on the bed since 930pm. My mind is awake, so we decided to meet at mc cafe near my place. I walked around the neighbourhood while waiting for them to arrive. It felt so peaceful walking at night and feeling the breeze. I shared with them the whole story bout me and him. Him finally sharing he is sick and me not too sure what to expect on Monday. I even read about organ donation if I could do that for him if it involves liver, kidney and lobus lung. Even if our blood do not match, I can still do a cross donation whereby I find a suitable donor for him and I donate mine to the donor's recipient. The possibilities is vast . Winnie and Gek Lee wanted to prepare me mentally and questioned me many times if I am absolutely sure that he is sick and if it's real. I shared that even if i could turn back time, I would still want to meet him and be in love with him. It's like an ultimate love that I will never ever meet. They will fully support decision and shared that if it's cancer there are lots of successful cases of survival. I will know on Monday.
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