I could not sleep the whole night after meeting Winnie. I am not sure if it's the mocochino I had at Mc Café or the fact that I felt bad my mum waited the night for me till 2am to be back. Either way I felt so horrible and sickly when I woke up this morning. I am glad that mum is finally going back today. It's not because I don't appreciate her being here to cook and nurse my appetite but I just know that I can't continue to show a cheerful face daily to her. I just want to be myself. It felt relief after she walked into the immigration. I had to force my self to finish the whole plate of nasi lemak this morning with her.
I went to TSC after sending her off hoping that I could chant my heart out while waiting for him to reply. The clock ticks and after 1 hour it's so unbearable in the chanting room that I had to walk out to 3rd floor corner area and to chant silently on my own . Send him another text at 2pm and he read it but no reply. It's becoming unbearable with no confirmation or reply from him. Will he meet me ? I had to text someone to talk and I not sure why Angeline came to my mind. She scolded me harshly and told me to wake up. Don't be deceived by this and it sounds like movie plot. He is just using me. He is not worth it. I began to feel so emotional that it was so bad I wrote to him a very nasty, mean and angry message. I know I will hurt him with such piercing words but I was bleeding from inside me that it won't stop. I can't take it and just want to give up my belief that he is still true and he genuine guy I met.
As I was walking out leaving TSC, it started to drizzle followed by heavy pour by the time I arrived at the bus stop. It poured so heavily as if the sky is crying on my behalf. At this moment of anger, he replied saying that he is glad that I am moving on coz he is not worth it. He had really wanted to meet me tomorrow but he was in hospital today doing CT scan. My heart sank knowing it that I must have hurt him badly. I choose not to apologize but continue to make my stand to want to meet him to the extend we had our first argument and he is really pissed angry at me. After numerous exchanges of angry words he finally gave in to meet me. I hope he will forgive me one day for what I say today. I don't mean the nasty things I say to him. I truly wants to be strong for him. I has tried very very hard.
Whatever happens had happened, he had finally agreed to come tomorrow and tell me everything. I just need to chant that he will be able to accept me again to be there for him and not to burden him. I really love him and want him to win this battle even if he does not want me at he end of his journey ,when he wins the battle of the health.
I went to TSC after sending her off hoping that I could chant my heart out while waiting for him to reply. The clock ticks and after 1 hour it's so unbearable in the chanting room that I had to walk out to 3rd floor corner area and to chant silently on my own . Send him another text at 2pm and he read it but no reply. It's becoming unbearable with no confirmation or reply from him. Will he meet me ? I had to text someone to talk and I not sure why Angeline came to my mind. She scolded me harshly and told me to wake up. Don't be deceived by this and it sounds like movie plot. He is just using me. He is not worth it. I began to feel so emotional that it was so bad I wrote to him a very nasty, mean and angry message. I know I will hurt him with such piercing words but I was bleeding from inside me that it won't stop. I can't take it and just want to give up my belief that he is still true and he genuine guy I met.
As I was walking out leaving TSC, it started to drizzle followed by heavy pour by the time I arrived at the bus stop. It poured so heavily as if the sky is crying on my behalf. At this moment of anger, he replied saying that he is glad that I am moving on coz he is not worth it. He had really wanted to meet me tomorrow but he was in hospital today doing CT scan. My heart sank knowing it that I must have hurt him badly. I choose not to apologize but continue to make my stand to want to meet him to the extend we had our first argument and he is really pissed angry at me. After numerous exchanges of angry words he finally gave in to meet me. I hope he will forgive me one day for what I say today. I don't mean the nasty things I say to him. I truly wants to be strong for him. I has tried very very hard.
Whatever happens had happened, he had finally agreed to come tomorrow and tell me everything. I just need to chant that he will be able to accept me again to be there for him and not to burden him. I really love him and want him to win this battle even if he does not want me at he end of his journey ,when he wins the battle of the health.
No comments:
Post a Comment