The worst fear of a human being is to know that one is diagnosed with terminal illness with little time left and so many things not done in their life. I had given this thought so many times in my life that I think I will be prepared if it ever happens to me. I will have no regrets and I believe I had done my best and will make use of the remaining time I have to do whatever I can. I would want to bring all the people that I love and care close to me and share with them how much I had cherished the moments we had gone through together and never grieves for me. Remember me when I was at my best.
To hear this news happening in another person can be traumatic but I was preparing for the worst and yes it is happening now. He finally replied that he is sick and left with not much time, don't want to be anybody's burden, don't waste my youth on him, since our relationship is premature to leave now so it won't be painful.
How does one gauge the length of relationship to know if it will be painful or not if one departs ? For me knowing it had made me even want to walk the rest of the time he have, to cherish every moments he could spare for me. He has so many things he had not done and he don't want to waste anymore time. I want to be there for all of them. I chant that he will allow me to be there. Part of me just wanted to propose to him and be his wife. To love him and care for him. If one think too much about it then it is not love but trying to justify the situation . I realised now I do love him a lot and really want to be with him till the end of time.
I had wanted to see him and tell him all that. He had refused to even pick up the call. He just want to shut me out and let me go. I am left with no choice but to go to the park where he stay and wait for him. He refused and asked me to leave as the place is secluded and dark. Finally he agreed to meet on Monday. What would be the outcome on Monday ? Will he be so mad and reject me face to face ?
I had chanted 3 hours today to give me the courage to fight alongside him. I need to chant abundant daimoku, based my conviction and faith that he will be strong to pull through on daimoku. This time the struggle is not for me to win but for him to win. I will need to chant for the wisdom to talk to him on Monday to share this Nichiren Daishonin Buddhism to him. The only way to save his life other than medication. It will work hand in hand to save him, prolong his life and reduce his suffering.
To hear this news happening in another person can be traumatic but I was preparing for the worst and yes it is happening now. He finally replied that he is sick and left with not much time, don't want to be anybody's burden, don't waste my youth on him, since our relationship is premature to leave now so it won't be painful.
How does one gauge the length of relationship to know if it will be painful or not if one departs ? For me knowing it had made me even want to walk the rest of the time he have, to cherish every moments he could spare for me. He has so many things he had not done and he don't want to waste anymore time. I want to be there for all of them. I chant that he will allow me to be there. Part of me just wanted to propose to him and be his wife. To love him and care for him. If one think too much about it then it is not love but trying to justify the situation . I realised now I do love him a lot and really want to be with him till the end of time.
I had wanted to see him and tell him all that. He had refused to even pick up the call. He just want to shut me out and let me go. I am left with no choice but to go to the park where he stay and wait for him. He refused and asked me to leave as the place is secluded and dark. Finally he agreed to meet on Monday. What would be the outcome on Monday ? Will he be so mad and reject me face to face ?
I had chanted 3 hours today to give me the courage to fight alongside him. I need to chant abundant daimoku, based my conviction and faith that he will be strong to pull through on daimoku. This time the struggle is not for me to win but for him to win. I will need to chant for the wisdom to talk to him on Monday to share this Nichiren Daishonin Buddhism to him. The only way to save his life other than medication. It will work hand in hand to save him, prolong his life and reduce his suffering.
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