Monday, 1 August 2016

what's in my thought?

I did not know what I should write yesterday,  I basically filled up my day with activities, from meeting Bruno for lunch to meet up my new chief pilot at Starbucks after lunch to my pole and strip tease class in the evening. I still could not get my mind off my "bi". I was quite worried that he shared that he was not well this week. I was wondering if he needed any assistance to do housework or get grocery . I know he does not want to burden me with all these chores so I could only offered my cleaning lady to assist or send him a few website whereby he could order organic grocery delivered to his place.  He did not come online till late evening at 4 plus. I was getting a bit worried if he had eaten . The only way to calm my worries is based my faith on Daimoku.  I had gone to SYC at Pasir Panjang to chant for 2 hours . I was tempted to take a taxi to his place to check if he is ok coz we are so close by but I managed to refrain myself from doing so. I know that he would not like it if I turn up. The moment I saw him online I was so relief.

Bruno had shared a talk he heard recently whereby it's a natural therapy to heal cancer rather than medical science . I read the articles yesterday night when I could not sleep. The Budwig centre in Malaga. It seems hopeful and there was a testimonial about a stage 4 lung cancer patient that was cured using the method. It was 13 years ago n he is still alive.  I need to get more information before I could propose to my "bi". I don't want to give him false hope.  I pray that he would allow me to accompany him for the 2 weeks treatment in Malaga. I really want him to try it if this is the last resort and if there is even a slight chance or survival. I wrote to them and chant that they will reply me soon.

I am going to join the girls for lunch today at ION. I am keeping myself occupied daily although I am quite tired and rather stay at home.  I believe going out is good and it boost the positive energy around me .
I received a reply from Budwig centre an hour ago.  I am trying to digest the information send to me. It seems very hopeful.  I read the article from Bruno's email to undestand how all these works bout cancer feeding on sugar and anaerobic environment . I need to compile all articles and information and print out before I meet my "bi". I need lots of daimoku to have the wisdom to share and not throw all information just like that to him. This is a very delicate matter and one can get defensive over it. Let me complete my minimum 2 hours daimoku before I proceed. I need to focus on my vocal class now in order to record the song for him .

I just did my 2nd vocal class.  I could not believe when I hear myself sing.  I could sing the song.  It's not perfect yet but I could sing. I need to practise on my breathing , hold and push now to capture the correct tune. I really hope that this song will encourage him. He seems to be online more often today.  I hope that he is feeling better today. I miss him a lot.
Reading the information from Budwig Cancer Centre while finishing the bottle of wine from Saturday, digesting the information.  Worried what he would think if I propose this to him.  So many things running through my mind. I just want him to live and be alive . Will I be able to let him go n live his life if he live . I really love him a lot and miss him so much ....

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