It had been an encouraging morning although not what I had wanted it to be. My "bi" shared more bout his condition , treatment and health status . Although he still refuses to meet me today but I was not upset at all. I understand he might have his reason not wanting me to see him in his crappy condition with acne and rashes , side effect from the iressa and lost of weight. He is also very tired and sleeping pattern disrupted due to the pain he is going through. I can only send my daimoku to him. I had even shared bout the possibility of recovery. Based on what I read online although he refuses to believe it . He requested for the website and I send him. Hopefully Mark could encourage him to fight on.
Later in the evening I suddenly felt like seeing him so I just looked into his Facebook page and saw that there was a gathering on 6th August last Saturday to celebrate his and 2 more of his close buddies birthday as well. I became suspicious . Hmm...he once told me Facebook is open to public and it all depends on how one or who post stuff up. If I choose to believe that he was very sick last week when I text him on Saturday, the only conclusion I could get from the photos are, he was out with them the week before he started Iressa coz I did check with Desmond and he say they met up on the 3rd week of July and my "bi" would still looks OK during that time . The photo was just posted weeks later. If that is the case, I would also conclude that it seems that none of his friends know that he is going through this cancer. The photo of "bi" seems to look OK and not sick at all, so none of his friends would suspect otherwise.
If I choose to believe that photo that he was out with them on 6th August, it means my "bi" had been lying all along and this cancer is his only way to get me out if his life coz I am such a vulnerable easily duped girl that would believe everything he says. I was confused between the truth and the lie. I had wanted to go to his place after my pole dancing class. During the whole class I enjoyed it so much that the Facebook photo did not really upset me anymore. I decided to just go back home. After performing the evening Gongyo, I decided to choose to believe the version my "bi" tells me. I will just need to have faith that he is not lying to me at all. He is really going through the treatment to fight his lung , brain and pancreatic cancer . I choose to be there to support him in whichever way until the day he recovers . If all the above is a lie, at least nobody dies and worst case is I will never love again but at least my "bi" live ☺... that is all that matter to me now... I had chosen to believe him and whatever he say coz I believe he truly loves me and will never lie to me ...good night "bi"❤
Later in the evening I suddenly felt like seeing him so I just looked into his Facebook page and saw that there was a gathering on 6th August last Saturday to celebrate his and 2 more of his close buddies birthday as well. I became suspicious . Hmm...he once told me Facebook is open to public and it all depends on how one or who post stuff up. If I choose to believe that he was very sick last week when I text him on Saturday, the only conclusion I could get from the photos are, he was out with them the week before he started Iressa coz I did check with Desmond and he say they met up on the 3rd week of July and my "bi" would still looks OK during that time . The photo was just posted weeks later. If that is the case, I would also conclude that it seems that none of his friends know that he is going through this cancer. The photo of "bi" seems to look OK and not sick at all, so none of his friends would suspect otherwise.
If I choose to believe that photo that he was out with them on 6th August, it means my "bi" had been lying all along and this cancer is his only way to get me out if his life coz I am such a vulnerable easily duped girl that would believe everything he says. I was confused between the truth and the lie. I had wanted to go to his place after my pole dancing class. During the whole class I enjoyed it so much that the Facebook photo did not really upset me anymore. I decided to just go back home. After performing the evening Gongyo, I decided to choose to believe the version my "bi" tells me. I will just need to have faith that he is not lying to me at all. He is really going through the treatment to fight his lung , brain and pancreatic cancer . I choose to be there to support him in whichever way until the day he recovers . If all the above is a lie, at least nobody dies and worst case is I will never love again but at least my "bi" live ☺... that is all that matter to me now... I had chosen to believe him and whatever he say coz I believe he truly loves me and will never lie to me ...good night "bi"❤
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