I am suddenly lost at words on what to write or express at this moment. The intense feeling of venting out is suddenly gone. It is bring replaced by the sense of calmness. Does this mean that I am going through the transformation of fundamental darkness to enlightenment? It is due to my own chanting and determination on kosenrufu or coz my "bi" had finally agreed to allow me to be there and open up to share with me. If it's the second reason then I might fall into my own fundamental darkness if my "bi" should ever choose to go back to his own silent world again. Since I am unable to find the answer, the best way is to continue what I do now, chanting to complete my 1 million daimoku, mission in kosenrufu to share Buddhism to as many people as possible and assisting them to find their own path towards absolute happiness, to continue to be strong for my "bi" emotionally and nourishing him 😊. I believe I will have the answer one day...
My bi had chosen the path to continue fighting and at the same time to help as many people as possible while he is alive. I love him a lot and his selfless act had made me love him even more now. I will be there to assist him in his mission...
I has decided to cancel my trip to Paris end of September partly coz a few things had suddenly turn up. Lai Wah needs to go for chemotherapy next week and she will need someone to be there for her since Keng Keng is not in Singapore. She had asked and I want to be there for her coz she had been there for me. So I can't go back to Malaysia to see my family. I will just have to go back after F1 is over. At the same time I had made a vow to contribute the whole month salary for this year "Gokayu " and I would like to fulfill it. I will need to change the heater at home and just paid the contractor for my mum's minor renovation. I am going to upgrade and buy a new hospitalizations policy for mum which will cost me almost 3k. There is also possibility of investing in Espresso lab. It will kinda put my budget a bit tight to spend in Paris . Lastly there is a possibility my "bi" might be able to travel during year end and I would like to go with him so I have to save up my leave for that. Paris and Bordeaux will just have to wait for awhile then...
I think the excuses above are just excuses coz I just want to be in Singapore for my "bi " now that he allows me to do so😊
My bi had chosen the path to continue fighting and at the same time to help as many people as possible while he is alive. I love him a lot and his selfless act had made me love him even more now. I will be there to assist him in his mission...
I has decided to cancel my trip to Paris end of September partly coz a few things had suddenly turn up. Lai Wah needs to go for chemotherapy next week and she will need someone to be there for her since Keng Keng is not in Singapore. She had asked and I want to be there for her coz she had been there for me. So I can't go back to Malaysia to see my family. I will just have to go back after F1 is over. At the same time I had made a vow to contribute the whole month salary for this year "Gokayu " and I would like to fulfill it. I will need to change the heater at home and just paid the contractor for my mum's minor renovation. I am going to upgrade and buy a new hospitalizations policy for mum which will cost me almost 3k. There is also possibility of investing in Espresso lab. It will kinda put my budget a bit tight to spend in Paris . Lastly there is a possibility my "bi" might be able to travel during year end and I would like to go with him so I have to save up my leave for that. Paris and Bordeaux will just have to wait for awhile then...
I think the excuses above are just excuses coz I just want to be in Singapore for my "bi " now that he allows me to do so😊
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