It has been days since I shared on the status of my life. My "bi " had indeed appeared back into my life but not fully back. Why? Coz he had somehow agree to continue to see me and "hang out" with me but he insist that he will not and does not have the right to provide me the commitment in a relationship to me. I do wonder what he meant by this ? He keep insisting he does not want to hurt me, he felt wrong to allow me to come back into his life, if not coz of this illness he will not push me away ... there is a part of the negative side that feels that he just does not want to commit in this relationship coz I am probably not the one.
At the same time there are days he seems like his usual self in responding to my messages but there are days he just read but never reply my messages ... I know inside me I wanted more than what we are currently having but part of me fear of asking more that he will retreat again. At times I do wonder why am I putting myself in this situation allowing myself to be in such a disadvantage position and always succumbing to his will, always abiding by his way so I would not upset him and always worrying that my action will disturb or annoy him. I worry too much. I just need to stop worrying and just go on with my life on days that he is not responding to me. When I do miss him, the only way to cure this is chanting or looking back at all the pictures we had together. He even refused to add me back to his Facebook coz I deleted it and he view that I would do it again out of anger.
I was very certain before he appeared the direction I want to pursue for his health and happiness but now it seems I had to rethink what I should do or what I can do.... there are things I promised him I will not do it although I still want to do it e.g delivering food to him now coz I am not allowed, he does not want me to travel all the way to do it and I did promised him I will not... I am going back for my singing class today. Hopefully the class today will inspired me to my direction and path.
Finally decided to use my new S7 and cut my hair last week. Here's the preview of the camera...
At the same time there are days he seems like his usual self in responding to my messages but there are days he just read but never reply my messages ... I know inside me I wanted more than what we are currently having but part of me fear of asking more that he will retreat again. At times I do wonder why am I putting myself in this situation allowing myself to be in such a disadvantage position and always succumbing to his will, always abiding by his way so I would not upset him and always worrying that my action will disturb or annoy him. I worry too much. I just need to stop worrying and just go on with my life on days that he is not responding to me. When I do miss him, the only way to cure this is chanting or looking back at all the pictures we had together. He even refused to add me back to his Facebook coz I deleted it and he view that I would do it again out of anger.
I was very certain before he appeared the direction I want to pursue for his health and happiness but now it seems I had to rethink what I should do or what I can do.... there are things I promised him I will not do it although I still want to do it e.g delivering food to him now coz I am not allowed, he does not want me to travel all the way to do it and I did promised him I will not... I am going back for my singing class today. Hopefully the class today will inspired me to my direction and path.
Finally decided to use my new S7 and cut my hair last week. Here's the preview of the camera...
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