I finally vent out my frustration at my "bi" . I regretted it. Totally regretted it and felt so bad about it. He is going through life and death and here I am being a selfish and emotional bitch venting out my loneliness and emotional stress on him. The last thing I wanted is to make him feel bad about himself not able to make me happy and be the wonderful boyfriend, lover and partner to me. I really screw up everything this time.
How it started ? He was not well yesterday and I decided to cook something and go to his place to have lunch with him. When I arrive, I send him a message but there was not reply . So I waited at the lounge at the condo and just waste my time reading through the creative life magazine. After waiting for 2 hours and kinda hungry, so I send his food up to his place and came down to the BBQ area and had my lunch before I leave the condo. I think he was sleeping or if not probably out working whichever, so I did not want to disturb him until he reply. I left slightly after 3 pm to run my aircraft errands . When I got home at 5pm there was a reply from him that he was upset at me and kinda shared that I do not understand that how my action of delivering food made him feel. I felt really really bad and sad. I had not intended to go and drop of the food like last time. He forbid me coz it was too far and too troublesome for me. This time I had really wanted to go and have lunch together with himðŸ˜ðŸ˜¢. I send him a needs age to explain and when he did not respond I kinda felt frustrated that he ignore my messages and send a kinda pathetic frustrated explanation 😧I am really tired of waiting . He did not reply.
I stopped myself from causing further strain in our relationship. I went to kneel in front of Gohonzon to calm myself. Let him have a rest.
This morning I send him a text. He replied to not think too much and have a good flight. I am not even sure what that means. Could it be that he is asking me to love on and not think ? I am still sending him updates on me. I am not sure what he is thinking and it is kinda making me afraid that he will make a drastic move to cut me out to end my misery . I am not sure what else to do but to wait for him. Well after all, he is the one going through the illness. He deserves to have a break more than me. I should have just be more patient with him if I truly love him.
How it started ? He was not well yesterday and I decided to cook something and go to his place to have lunch with him. When I arrive, I send him a message but there was not reply . So I waited at the lounge at the condo and just waste my time reading through the creative life magazine. After waiting for 2 hours and kinda hungry, so I send his food up to his place and came down to the BBQ area and had my lunch before I leave the condo. I think he was sleeping or if not probably out working whichever, so I did not want to disturb him until he reply. I left slightly after 3 pm to run my aircraft errands . When I got home at 5pm there was a reply from him that he was upset at me and kinda shared that I do not understand that how my action of delivering food made him feel. I felt really really bad and sad. I had not intended to go and drop of the food like last time. He forbid me coz it was too far and too troublesome for me. This time I had really wanted to go and have lunch together with himðŸ˜ðŸ˜¢. I send him a needs age to explain and when he did not respond I kinda felt frustrated that he ignore my messages and send a kinda pathetic frustrated explanation 😧I am really tired of waiting . He did not reply.
I stopped myself from causing further strain in our relationship. I went to kneel in front of Gohonzon to calm myself. Let him have a rest.
This morning I send him a text. He replied to not think too much and have a good flight. I am not even sure what that means. Could it be that he is asking me to love on and not think ? I am still sending him updates on me. I am not sure what he is thinking and it is kinda making me afraid that he will make a drastic move to cut me out to end my misery . I am not sure what else to do but to wait for him. Well after all, he is the one going through the illness. He deserves to have a break more than me. I should have just be more patient with him if I truly love him.
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