In a blink of eye

    Time passes very fast daily . Every seconds ticks away so fast that at times nobody knows it had just past us. I guess that is how the phrase " in a blink of eye " came about.  It suddenly down on me that if I do not start now in a blink of eye I will be in my 50s. I m not 40 yet but I will be soon. I am not sure if this is the mid life crisis I am going through currently. I guess it's good to start writing about it. At least when I look back again I will know what I had missed,  what I had cherished and what I had overcome in life.

Life in 30s is amazing and full of surprises.  It does not mean that life after 39 is less, in fact it is how one perceive it, that makes the difference about it . Hence, this is the main reason I had decided to start writing about life towards the 40s.

This morning when I was in the bus on the way to Changi airport, I looked around me. All of the passengers seem like going through the routine of daily life , to work . I was different from the rest. I was just looking for ways and means to maximise my 'time' . To fill up the emptiness in my life. As I looked at the clock on ez link card counting, it dawn on me that every seconds passes by so fast. It took me exactly 10 minutes 38 seconds to board the bus and alight at terminal 3 basement with 2 stops along ECP and 1 security check. What was really running through my mind at that time ? I could not recall or probably it was totally blank. 10 minutes just passes by "in a blink of an eye" .

I met everyone at Mc Donald's and it seems like just another day in each others life but to David's family. It marks the end of their 5 years experience in Singapore and a new beginning in Brisbane.  I used to dislike departure and it reminds me of a feeling I used to have when I was little.

My aunt and hubby used to visit us during school holidays in Klang. We were still staying at the rented house in Klang Jaya.   Every time after they visited us for a week, I would be depressed and my mind would wonder the possibility of us being fated to be in the same family or relationship in our next life. It feels as if I am dying soon and will not be able to see them again on this life. I probably started using my brain way too early in my childhood or was I yearning for something out of this life through others . I am still figuring this out.

Life is constantly full of changes whether we like it or want it or refuse it.  Its like the cloud up in the sky, it will not stay at one place at a time. It is constantly moving whichever direction of the wind.  I am beginning to grasp this theory although it had taken me almost almost 40 years . Precisely 38 years and 8 months.

Michelle say it's a good way to express my feelings. Many people wants to start writing but do not have the luxury to do so. It's really a good way to express one's thought without burdening another party. Even I myself  had enough of myself whining to F. It's time I stop it. Sharing and talking about stuff is totally different than whining. Whining can be tiring for both parties.  How did this emptiness creeps in my life ?

I am still trying to analyse this feeling I am having now.  I chanted for Mr.Right. F came along. Told him that , he say even I am not sure and that's the reason I am sharing with him. I was probably asking for his acknowledgement that he is the one. I could have probably scare him off. That's the reason why he had not came over and see me yesterday and could not wait to leave after the nap. Yes it seems that he was rushing off.

It could be that I am going through my mid life crisis earlier than expected. Health challenges towards 40s, being single although I am considered dating him officially (define officially? We do not own each other, even if we were married in future),  uncertainty about my career in the next 5 years , mission and direction in the next 5 to 10 years. I keep telling people I need to have a breakthrough in shakubuku but part of me feels a bit lost. Not too sure if it's due to hormonal changes during my menstruation. At times I do wonder what would life be if I had taken a different path ? Would I be happy and contented ?