As I sat down at Mc cafe waiting for Sam, it dawn on me that time really passes very fast . I still could recall the 1st time I met him on board a flight . Can't recall which flight. I probably should ask him later. He mentioned Sydney onboard the Jumbo. He was the GS in the galley, when he came back from collecting our meals at biz class, he took out a plum from his pocket and gave me a surprise. I was elated lol...with just a plum. To think back I was pretty silly and so easily duped by small gesture. Subsequently we exchange our contact number. I suspected he was either an insurance agent or multi level marketer, trying to sell me a policy or trying to recruit me...lol... I was spot on right, he is an insurance agent and a charming one. He is still one up till today.
We did went out for a drink followed by a walk by the beach barefooted. He did something no one had done to me. He sat me at his car, took out the tissue and wipe the sand off my feet . I was trapped . I know a lot of people would say that I am such a easy girl to please but I don't care what others say. I was happy , elated and felt so pampered for that moment . Until he told me in the car that he is married but having issues in the marriage. He was the first married person I went on a date...fast forward we were not officially together but we were close companion till the day his wife decided to leave him for another person. He was not ready for a new relationship whereas I had waited for 3 years. Back then, I was young in my late 20s and wanted to belong to someone and wanted to be loved. I guess it was the wrong timing or we are just not meant to be together. It did turn kinda sour coz we are related by the agent and client relationship which at times can be a bit cloudy and confuses me. I was not sure if at times he really care for me or out of obligation that he was my agent. There were good times and there were bad times.
Eventually we arrive to this day being friend. I am not sure how we came along but I guess both of us had gone through enough in life to forgive, forget and move on with our life. Both of us are glad that the issue with the investment did not make us into enemy. Reflecting back on myself, I was part to be blame because I get 'jumpy' and emotional easily when my investment did not make any money but keep losing. I should had been more sensible and mature to separate both issue. It's part of the lesson learnt.
I am still trying to figure out what is going through my mind, my emotions for the past few weeks. I had been having a few ups and many downs. I know deep down it is a choice to be happy or not to be. I am not even sure if it is related to my own insecurities of probable being an incomplete women/female (due to some health issue I am encountering), me still taking up all the family issues and worries unto myself, new relationship? I don't want to just sweep in under the carpet and try to be happy and continue to chant to transform my KARMA. Even chanting to transform my KARMA needs action. Just like a sick person who is going through a 2nd stage of cancer, she needs the emotional support through chanting but she will also need to take action through her chanting to treat her illness. She needs to see the doctor, take the medication and go through the painful treatment. Same goes for me, ACTION ACTION. I need to figure it out...its not something that can be overcome in a day or 2. It needs time and I will give it time. This does not mean that I will just stay home and be sad and sulk. I will remind myself to lead my life as best as possible and most important thing is to LOVE myself everyday, every hour, every minute and every seconds....hmmmm probably seconds is a bit too much. STAY Strong the inner me...
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